Ravings of a Mad Woman

The journey of a mind in the land of Poetry

Charity or Fear?

Not a poem, just a thought.

In truth there is no such thing as charity.
We feed the hungry in the hopes that we should never be hungry ourselves.
We feel sorrow at another's loss in the hopes that we do not lose someone ourselves.
We feel pity in the hopes that the same thing that caused the pity does not happen to us.
Truly the tragedy of man is that we are always concerned with the self,
but we are taught to hide it in the costume of kindness.
The pain you feel in your chest when witnessing another's sorrow is just terror that you may be next on the list
What we fail to realize is each and every single one of us is always next, it is as inescapable as death.

Literary Anarchy

tired of being told how words are meant to read
fighting all the rules until every word is free
dangling upright proper nouns from opinion's cliff
wiping off the adjectives before they stain our lips
Each and every verb will peacefully stand still
all these laws of dictionary we words have had our fill
sick of rule by seperation a creation of the learned
our time has come for freedom a rising up of words

strip the titles from proper nouns
each word person place or thing
what difference is the adjective
all are meant to read
Having seen every verb
move fast or so slowly
hand in hand with adverb
the way it's meant to be

that is fine and all is well
words can stand that read
but if words want they slow it down
while catching up to speed
words can twist and bend and spin
straight through every single head
ringing in minds like brass bells
literary rule is dead

03/08/2008

Simple Addition

did you truly believe
that what you amounted 2
and what I equaled
could ever be added together?
Ah but we are only 2 human
which +ed together
in words
is = 2 selfish

could any of us hope
I mean really strive
2 care enough 2 dare
to add an other person's happiness
to 1 of ours?
Did you notice the space
in between an and other
above?
who ever took that space out
in the word another
was wrong
it belongs
it should stay
there are spaces in words
but not in numbers
gaps in numbers can be filled

1 space that seperates
all of us
1 from an other
is the same space
that makes us long
2be 2get her
together
in and out
we pull
joining 1 2 1 that brief second
that moment that makes
an other
another
person 2 love
is what it all ='s 2
in the end

08/15/2007

The Soul is Less....

 

I look around and
all I see
this world of mediocrity
that biologic
necessity
screams death to you
and death to me
scientific curiosity
would have it so
it seems to be
wasted years of energy
sees nothing left
of you and me
the chaos of eternity
simplified with heredity
predictable complexity
a soul
or just futility?

Not All Mistakes Are Mine

Wild Flowers Only Bloom

mistakes can be wonderful
view them correct
gazed on with wonder
a different aspect
look at them sideways
not just direct
turn them a bit
this way and that
imagine the creation
forged from form mistakes lack
mistakes seed surprise
that can never be planned
wild flowers only bloom
unattended by hands

04/19/2005

The difference dwells within

To those who think joy does not exist
I say consider this
when you are at your happiest
why does your chest feel light?
a sudden space of emptiness
longing to be full
loveliness it can't resist
a deep magnetic pull

Yet while passing through your darkest hours
a heaviness grows there
horrible pressure pushing down
your chest weighted with depair
it settles so deeply in
you feel there is no room
no reason to continue on
a wish for ending soon

So if you think joy does not exist
and say the same for pain
then tell me why oh unbeliever
the two can never feel the same?

Exactly what is it
what can be
the source of a soul's gravity
lovely light lifting up
deep darkness pushing down
delightfull oceans in which to swim
smothering oceans that surely drown

Joy spreads wings that lift us
hate's pressure, her dark twin
the vacancy they fill the same
the difference dwells within

01/22/2006

Let go of the Opposites

Why?
As always there is a man
willing to walk
on another man's dream
to step down firmly
crush him beneath

Why?
As always there is a man
wanting to break
another man's heart
take his beliefs
rip them apart

Why?
It should be a man
willing to lift another man's wing
Push him to flight
encorage him to sing

Why?
Must there be a loser
for another to win
If we wish for a savior
does one have to sin?

Why?
What rules do we follow
one up one down
for one to smile
another to frown?

Let go of the Opposites
grab hold of the same
We all can be happy
without causing pain

Smile Sun Cloud Frown

up is up as down is down
smile sun cloud frown
climb up fall down
jump up yell loud
is up as up as down is down
get tall grow tough
make sense sing sound
sun cloud smile frown
uppity up as downity down
make love live life
much strife get round
up is up as down is down
give birth shed light
do wrong make right
frown smile sun cloud
down is up and up is down
grow up give up drop die dead ground
up was up as down was down
sun cloud smile frown

03/12/2005 

For EE

The Bridge Collapsed

Together Alone in the dark
they lay side by side
with nothing left to say
the words between them
vanished
at the end of the day
like the breath of a dying man
it is no more
what once made the heart beat
now gone forever more

each remembering
and wondering
why it went away
not asking the other though
there was nothing left to say
the years between them
the love
vanished that day

He was he, she was she
though not like before
the bridge between collapsed
they will cross no more
so they lay side by side
together alone
fretting
what has become
of this land
we call home?

01/07/2006

Weight of a Tear

Remembering how her wing tipped
white feathers began to curl
slighty to the left
Just a bit it was enough
to begin this
her fall

striving for ascension
hoping to leave humanity behind
floating on the currents
she cried a tear for poor mankind
bitter tear once fallen
did drop upon her wing
weigh it down in places
important yet unseen

A weight of sadness
strong enough to change the bend
of time
caused her wing to bend a bit
made it hard to fly

down she fell
perfection spent
in an instant with a tear

01/08/2006

A Man Well Made

 

 

The Fall

If in my fall
I become too heavy
will you leave me to lie?
Give up so easily
walk away knowing
not bother to try?

Or if in your fall?
I struggle to carry
until you are done
once helped
you walk away knowing
I never give up?

But we in our fall
come down
so slowly
soft feather on skin
slide down knowing
when landing
we're reaching
new beauty within

01/07/2006

ALONE

I am sorry
Yet
I have to ask
Why?
What is it
that we NEED?
what is it we are looking for?
a sort of Sympathy?
some attempt at Understanding?
A poor soul to agree?
To say they know
exactly
the reason they came to be?
the reasons we are looking for
I know THAT there are none
we are simply
here
meant to be
cogito, ergo sum?
no we really do not
no one can ever know
where any one is coming from
or EVEN where we all will go

we all come from the same place
BUT
we arrive on different trains
many views
our own opinions
not a single one the same
always
looking for the mirror
someone to be like us
because we do not want to be alone
ALAS MY FRIEND
here comes the great big
~BUT~
we will always be that way
we are AND WILL ALWAYS BE ALONE

the day we are born
ALONE

even when together
ALONE

in a crowd
ALONE

when making love
ALONE

at the moment of death
ALONE

alone from the first until the last
alone in every breath

yet
always begging for unity
for the feeling
I belong
pleading for the place
we need
a sameness
somewhere called home
reaching out to touch
a thing that does not exist
so useless
such futility
face it
it does not exist
we are alone
all the time

THE FINAL WALL
CAN NOT BE BREACHED
FACE IT YOU WILL BE FINE
IT IS YOURS OR MINE
BUT NEVER OURS
NO ONE
CAN
GET INSIDE
ANOTHER
PERSON'S
MIND

01/08/2006

Dim or Brightly

Leaning close to her she whispered
my love welcome to the world
a place so full of wonder
of joys that can't be told

Lovely as this place can be
so full of happiness and joy
I am afraid to now confess to thee
there is also misery

for every time you smile
you will frown a full three times
and every burst of laughter
will be followed with a sigh

measure out the worth of joy
weigh it against the pain
find a way to happiness
overlook the shame

life is no doubt beautiful
yet easy it is not
there will always be for thee
crossings that are hard

Look not at the darkness
or it may swallow you entirely
always look towards the light that shines
no matter how dim or brightly

01/22/2006

I am no longer aware

There is much
I will not admit
not even to myself
buried so deep I can't find it
to give to someone else

There is much
I will admit
I lie even to myself
create a life that says I'm fine
the truth up on a shelf

I leave the darkest days up there
forgotten covered in dust
I do not want them
they are not mine
do not say I must

I am me
here and how
My past just was not fair
I left it there
way back when
of it I am no longer aware

01/22/2006

Date With Death

Lost again within the dream
my upcoming date with death
so exciting and strange it seems
to take my one last breath
my heart starts to pound of course
a little bit too fast
I find myself excited at the prospect
of this mysterious man my lover death

no question of where will I be
ten years or two or four
once I fall within his arms
then I will be no more
long searched for love
he'll give to me
hold me always I am sure

One last dance my love
your final kiss of time
when I feel him near to me
it is ever so sublime
I feel him in the wisp of breeze
a shock within my chest
whenever I come close to him
my final lover
DEATH

05/01/2005

Reality

lost again within
a thought
it whispers to me
I am caught
what is this
reality?
yours to you
mine to me
always different never same
how can they all have just one name?
reality
is never real and never was
more aptly named
it would be thought
this is what we should be taught
to live within and not without
that is what truth is about
if you think it is
then it will be
matters not what others see
reality
is a lie
this cloak we wear
within we hide
I think I am and I can be
but what am I really
in reality?

05/16/2005

Father Facade

yes....
melt the saccharine virgin
on your hot black coffee tongue
taste what is left of her duplicity
on your lips when it's done

wrap her back up in plaid
send her home to her Mom
she'll smile in confession
when she hears the Holy One

yes....
kneel down gently
on the pew
where you pray
take it all in slowly
the words you will say

yes....
when she gasps in your ear
Oh Oh Oh My God
tomorrow you can pray for absolution
My Dear Father Facade

Sarcasm The Smile with Sharp Teeth

After dwelling on this a while
I have decided sarcasm
is a smile
showing sharp shiny teeth
it's still a smile nonetheless
the grin that I like best
it may hurt those who feel deeply
who show emotions easily
have no iron in their breast
it makes the weak stand stronger
hold the tears back longer
Puts them to the test
It is not that I am cruel
I just happen to think that you
act too damn depressed




05/02/2005

The Need to Procreate is Strong

Listen ladies for I must say
something that needs be heard
Has been a certainty since long before today
and there is truth in every word
The need to procreate is strong
A woman no longer is a chattel for birth
Her value is now untold
But in trade for the strength
we now enjoy our soul has still been sold
You see a man to sow his seeds
will go to any length
and perform the most wretched of deeds
She was happy with him
he with her
the joy was a sight to behold
but with her no chance for a child to be had
she simply was too old
Nature of course had another plan
he was alas, only a man
Being thus he needed to see
his garden grow to seed
he felt it within but could not name
the longing for this need
One night drunk with star in eye
he found some fertile soil
not knowing why, with no love plans
in this garden did he toil
He sowed his seeds unknowingly
he thought not much of this
before too long she with child
was talking to his Mrs.
She ranted and raved
You are depraved
how could you do this?
I am sorry he cried I was enslaved
and long I did not know why
but I see it now I know the name
the name of my desire was CHILD

02/20/2005

I Kant (abecedarian)

Absymal belleslettres
Coquettish documents
Elicit frenetic gab
Hypocritic impiety jab Kantian
Logic merrily
Nihilistic obnoxious philosophists
Query reality sedulously
Tempting undecided virgins
With xenogenetic young
Zombies

I Hate Mr. Jones

I hate Mr. Jones
the lies that he tells
perfect pretty people
happiness sells

Also annoying me
regularly
is the life
of dear Mr. Smith
between him and his wife
never a tiff

Under such green grass
I know there lies dirt
do they know it?
or care?
do they ever feel hurt?

Perfect they are
better everyday
makes me feel less
when they live that way

they make it seem quite feasible
spinning their perfect reality
don't they see it is never achievable
for other people like me

I wish to see them angry
be loud scream shout
I want to wrinkle their shirts
I want to dirty their house

make them real
more like you and me
rumpled confused
so human they'll be

UNITY

I peeked at first curiously

entranced I became so deeply

trying to find

hoping to see

myself

astounded by the EMPTINESS

of what was once my soul

I flinched and she seen me

then she

peeked also

curiously

trying to find

hoping to see

where she came from

ETERNITY

I reached out for her

and her for me

trying to find

hoping to see

what once was lost

UNITY

Death asks for naught

In death there lies sincerity
Unlike life I am afraid
It is heavier with charity
When against life it is weighed
While life is full of color
and death is deep and dark
Life travels by the dollar
Death asks for naught

02/04/2005

The Race

They fell out of my mouth
before I could rein them in
and ran like wild horses
saddled with sin
try as I might
I could not stop the ride
the race was on
between envy and pride
envy was lagging
neck to neck with greed
pride was ahead
outrunning love
strides ahead of anger
and help from above
sadly leaving pity behind
outrunning my heart
my soul
and my mind
Such was the race
my heart could not win
Pride the wild horse
saddled with sin

The Color Of Agony

                    

                                    

The World when seen through Agony
much sharper the detail
Crown Light the King and Color Queen
When others Senses Fail
The tongue grows numb, no scent does come
A Body yearns for Naught
Soul begins awakening once
Agony's spectrum is wrought

 

The Body Rot Has Started

Do I dare to say?
That I awoke today
& to my great dismay
The body Rot has started
Sadly there is no way
to fight this great decay
The body Rot has started
I smell it on my skin
It's coming from within
The Body Rot has started
It leaks down from my brain
Although there is no pain
The Body Rot Has started
I see it in my eyes
The Smell sweetens all my sighs
It is coming from inside
From death I cannot hide
The Body Rot Has Started

No More No Less

 

So many stories out there
Listen well, you will hear
Tales of joy, songs of pain
Stories end, people remain
Talk less, Listen more
Ears are love, the tongue a whore
All the stories are the same
Changes not, except the name
Comfort in this you can create
When you make your next mistake
We are all the same, no more no less
No black sin you can confess
Will make you grotesque
To me

Lying With My Pain

I swam the sea of honesty

I dried myself with lies

I dressed in the gown of reality

and dined on a feast on cries

that taste much better buttered up with

anothers care

washed them down with ignorance

all the while unaware

that when I retire for the night

I do all this in vain

For when I escape to my bed

I am lying with my pain

Dust

dust
the grey hair of time settles on my desk
time
the lie of life
passes by
grey
hair have I with no more wisdom than before
Age
the grey hair of time
settles on my bones
Lies
the weight of life
the honesty of death
Never to be known while I am living
dust
the grey hair of time
I have yet to be

Shortcut

Oft times I wonder if it's best
to walk upon this long dark road
Or take a shortcut to my death
Are there others waiting? Hoping that I see
I have no need to wait for my eternity
Tempting and teasing in my dreams
that life is not what it seems
Whispers in my ear, thoughts I need to know
Reaching out in the cold dark night, begging me to go
Hoping that I stop wandering
that I will see
the shortcut to eternity

9-11-01

The thousands lost
that was the cost
Our freedom yet still rings
the buildings ripped to the ground
the horror all around
Let freedom ring
America America still you hear us sing
Take our lives, our souls will still remain
You come to us without a face
you hide in shadows, make no mistake
our pride you can not shake
America America is not a single human face
it is deep down in all our souls,
Our freedom you will never deface

Charity?